tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-60967142024-02-28T08:37:31.177-08:00Cabbages and Kings"The time has come," the Walrus said,
"To talk of many things:
Of shoes--and ships--and sealing-wax--
Of cabbages--and kings."
Danielhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13526989098005398006noreply@blogger.comBlogger36125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6096714.post-1146687618111302272006-05-03T13:18:00.000-07:002006-05-03T13:20:18.126-07:00The Shopping Cart Theory of Social StatusAs a keen observer of modern life, I have been known from time to time to come up with a particularly trenchant sociological observation—“the more profoundly retarded the individual, the worse the haircut”—that sort of thing. Recently, I have formulated a theory around one of these observations, one which I think deserves closer scrutiny, and possibly a large government grant to fund further Danielhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13526989098005398006noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6096714.post-1112827726936715522005-04-06T15:45:00.000-07:002005-04-06T19:11:28.273-07:00Terror In The Drive-Thru LaneThis morning I was in the drive-thru lane of a certain fast-food restaurant which I won’t name here. I had just finished ordering my Egg McMuffin® and coffee, and as I pulled the money from my pocket to pay, my keys dropped out. These were the keys to the office door and the men’s washroom at work, which I keep on a rather fetching Bard on the Beach Shakespeare Festival souvenir brass keychain, Danielhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13526989098005398006noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6096714.post-1099631320459163692004-11-04T21:07:00.000-08:002004-11-05T14:30:18.216-08:00Two Nations, Under God, IncompatibleI don’t why I always have to be the one to solve these things, but after contemplating that fractious US election and seeing the lingering acrimony on both sides, it occurs to me that there is one way to make just about everyone happy: divide the US into two nations.
Seriously. Separatism gets a bad rap, and every politician makes noises about uniting the people, one nation indivisible blah blahDanielhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13526989098005398006noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6096714.post-1096345715182667372004-09-27T21:28:00.000-07:002004-09-28T20:19:17.826-07:00Stupid Things I Have Done Lately and the Consequences that FollowedSTUPID THING I DID: Murdered a perfectly good bottle of wine
I bought the wine—a liter and a half of Sawmill Creek merlot, $14.99—on my way home one day last week, before picking up Abby from daycare. Once home, I parked in the garage and began gathering my things: laptop, coffee mug, daughter, bag containing a moderately-priced bottle of merlot, and so on. I pulled out the umbrella stroller—a Danielhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13526989098005398006noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6096714.post-1092441077202769192004-08-13T16:50:00.000-07:002004-08-13T22:59:07.546-07:00Bat Man“Oh my god, it’s a bat! Caesar’s got a bat!”
I had been dozing fitfully at the time. It was pre-dawn, and I had been stirred from my deep-cycle REM slumber by a vague awareness of something going on in the room. The lights had come on and Kim was up, that much I knew. I snuffled and rolled over, the way you do when you know there is something going on, and you really should at least open an eye,Danielhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13526989098005398006noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6096714.post-1090209499991919082004-07-18T20:52:00.000-07:002004-07-18T21:02:40.933-07:00All Booked UpNow I’ve gone and done it. I’ve managed to work myself into a such a state of seething anxiety that I can barely keep a thought straight in my head. I’m edgy but tired, manic and depressive. My heartbeat has become irregular, I am suddenly prone to fits of irrational exuberance, and my lips are becoming chapped. And it’s all because of David Sedaris.
More precisely, I suppose, it all hasDanielhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13526989098005398006noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6096714.post-1088007546749285892004-06-23T09:19:00.001-07:002010-04-15T20:58:18.508-07:00My Day With Abby9:30 am
I’ve been looking forward to this day.
Having been thoroughly immersed in a work project for the last month or so—a project that culminated in a week of marathon sessions in a Scottsdale hotel boardroom, under conditions seldom seen outside of sociological experiments—I was ready to reclaim some personal time and do something I had not yet done as a father: spend an entire day aloneDanielhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13526989098005398006noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6096714.post-1086373162498139642004-06-04T11:16:00.000-07:002004-06-04T11:19:22.500-07:00This Just In...If life hands you lemons, make lemonade. And if life hands you bananas, some rum, and a little bit of lime juice, make banana daiquiris.Danielhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13526989098005398006noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6096714.post-1085979618527921412004-05-30T21:58:00.000-07:002004-05-31T16:55:19.123-07:00Rant ReduxAnother pressing deadline at work is keeping me busy most nights and weekends. Add to that the loose ends that remain loose after the move (“which box is my underwear in?”) and the usual exigencies of family life, and you have a recipe for blog neglect.
As an upstanding citizen of the blogosphere, however, I have a duty to see to it that this site not become a cobwebpage—a derelict site of Danielhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13526989098005398006noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6096714.post-1085077150786293722004-05-20T11:19:00.000-07:002004-05-20T11:28:40.053-07:00Self ImageA reader request has poured in, suggesting that, since I now have the ability to add images to these feeble postings, I might want to grace this page with a photo of myself. Oh, all right...
The author, in happier timesDanielhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13526989098005398006noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6096714.post-1084299706857531362004-05-11T11:21:00.000-07:002004-05-11T12:49:56.360-07:00Now With Photographic Evidence!Abby writing her blog (this has been a test of the newfangled Blogger photo feature)
Danielhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13526989098005398006noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6096714.post-1083816666638706712004-05-05T21:11:00.000-07:002004-05-06T08:09:46.186-07:00Reflections On A Web SightSo I’m sitting out here on my new patio in my new home at sunset, flush with pride of ownership, and flush with my fourth glass of wine, and flustered with the work I’m trying to do on the laptop, when I look down and see that a tiny green spider, about this big * has built an intricate, delicate web from the table edge to an adjacent chair.
Now, I’m not especially fond of spiders, or nature in Danielhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13526989098005398006noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6096714.post-1082755226518590692004-04-23T14:20:00.000-07:002004-04-23T14:24:35.670-07:00The Week In ReviewYou know it’s going to be a weird week when you find yourself duct-taping a sandwich bag to your little daughter’s genital area.
A possible bladder infection—that was the diagnosis—and we were charged with the task of collecting the specimen and delivering it to the lab on time. This involved attaching the aforementioned apparatus—a glassine envelope held in place with gooey adhesive tape—and Danielhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13526989098005398006noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6096714.post-1081886822889171292004-04-13T13:07:00.000-07:002004-04-13T13:13:28.640-07:00This Just In...INVISIBLE MAN CHARGED WITH "FAILURE TO APPEAR"Danielhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13526989098005398006noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6096714.post-1080878496371515712004-04-01T20:01:00.000-08:002004-04-02T08:16:30.076-08:00Things I Have Been Doing Lately, In No Particular OrderLISTENING TO MY GOOD FRIEND, DENISE PRAILL, COMPLAIN ABOUT BEING IGNORED
Several years ago, I was watching coverage of the O.J Simpson freeway chase with my good friend, Denise Praill, when I happened to remark on how great a pal Al Cowlings was proving to be. After all, it’s one thing to be there to help your buddy move a piano, but when you volunteer to be a wheel man in a spectacular police Danielhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13526989098005398006noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6096714.post-1078811435147826242004-03-08T21:50:00.000-08:002004-03-09T10:45:11.843-08:00Pool SharkSwimming, for me, is a particularly good exercise because I am so bad at it. In fact, it might be more accurate to say that what I do is not really so much “swimming” as it is “not drowning.” When I leap into a pool, my mind knows that I’m headed for the other end, but my body has no idea how it’s going to get there. I simply plunge in and improvise. I thrash my limbs violently, churning up Danielhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13526989098005398006noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6096714.post-1077688502605629572004-02-24T21:55:00.001-08:002010-03-15T22:18:45.993-07:00One Flu Over The Cuckoo's NestI awoke yesterday morning to find that the pesky malaise I had been hosting for the last few days had blossomed into a bona fide illness. My head throbbed, my throat felt like flaming sandpaper, my tongue had a disagreeable pasty coating, and I was manufacturing phlegm in astonishingly prodigious quantities. Evidently my body had downloaded a virus, probably as an attachment, which was now Danielhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13526989098005398006noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6096714.post-1077168844954457402004-02-18T21:34:00.000-08:002004-02-18T21:44:01.296-08:00The Final CurtainI always like to sit close to the stage at live theater performances. It’s unsophisticated, I know—as any genteel patron of the arts will tell you, it’s advisable to be several rows back from the action, so as not to be distracted by the pancake makeup and costume imperfections. But I like the immediacy, the sense of being almost in the scene, the thrill of being hit in the eye with the spit of Danielhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13526989098005398006noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6096714.post-1076483194489625762004-02-10T23:06:00.000-08:002004-02-10T23:09:04.076-08:00How I Spent My Winter VacationI am feeling seasonally discombobulated lately, and I blame it on Florida. After ten days of sunshine and shirtsleeves, and late evening meals on outdoor patios, I found it hard to accept that I had to scrape ice off my windshield yesterday morning. And it’s that weird time of year here, too, when the days are just starting to get longer—not quite wintry anymore, but not yet spring. I don’t know,Danielhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13526989098005398006noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6096714.post-1075254158995280922004-01-27T17:42:00.000-08:002004-01-27T17:45:07.860-08:00Dateline: FloridaSo we’re sitting on the tarmac in Vancouver, waiting for airport crews to clean off the dead birds from our runway (ewww!) when I glance over at my seatmate and see that he is reading—I swear this is true—Floor Covering Weekly (top story: “Investment Firm Buys Florida Tile”). Three things come to mind: First of all, either this man is in the floor covering business or he is trying to induce a Danielhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13526989098005398006noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6096714.post-1074930270202372612004-01-23T23:44:00.000-08:002004-01-23T23:55:18.576-08:00Abby's Magic BookmarkIt started with Little Yellow Ball.
All young children, because they are exceptionally stupid, become entranced by mundane objects as they navigate their way through what is—for them—a bewildering and wondrous world of colors, dimensions, and textures. My daughter, Abby, I can attest, has diligently spent the last few months cataloguing her universe with solemn determination. Newspapers, books,Danielhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13526989098005398006noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6096714.post-1074040889998515012004-01-13T16:41:00.000-08:002004-01-13T16:46:10.686-08:00Insert Title HereBig Project at Work
--3-day PowerPoint presentation
--presented at end of month in Florida
Number One With A Bullet!
Now only capable of thinking and writing in bullet points
--and subpoints
--with corny headlines
--and exclamation marks!
A unique way of writing
--affects thinking process
--conserves prepositions/verbs
Where’s the Balance?
Working long hours and weekends
Not much of a life
-Danielhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13526989098005398006noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6096714.post-1073088074441634222004-01-02T16:01:00.000-08:002004-01-06T21:58:00.846-08:00Should Old Hard Drives Be ForgotWell, what's a new desk, and a new chair--and a new year--without a new computer?
Our four-year-old Compaq has, for some time, been prone to sudden seizures. I can be in the middle of composing a breathtakingly sublime sentence, or opening an email, or surreptitiously sneaking Paris Hilton's name into the Google search bar, when all systems will obstinately and intractably lock up.
As a long Danielhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13526989098005398006noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6096714.post-1072241728886065202003-12-23T20:55:00.001-08:002009-11-16T19:47:04.312-08:00It'll Be a Blue Christmas Without White ChristmasGenerally speaking, I would sooner give Ed Asner a tongue bath than sit through a movie musical, but each year around this time I make an exception for White Christmas. I just have to watch Bing and Danny and “the girls” sip martinis in “a drafty old club car” for the umpteenth time while they sing rapturously—and let’s admit it, goofily—about snow. Chalk it up to nostalgia.
Growing up, I Danielhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13526989098005398006noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6096714.post-1071989417964631622003-12-20T22:50:00.000-08:002003-12-22T09:22:03.733-08:00Dan Swings A DealWell, what’s a new desk without a new chair?
The new desk is taller than the old one, which meant either I would have to peer, Kilroy-style, at desktop level while working, or we would have to adjust our chair’s height. While attempting to manipulate the controls on our old chair (a penitentially uncomfortable, gruesomely stained, steno-pool affair that we picked up at a yard sale), Kim managed Danielhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13526989098005398006noreply@blogger.com